Hi @Nicholas Myers ,
It seems that your needs are far more than Outlook desktop client. Since I may know little about other programs other than the Outlook desktop client, so I will try to research your issue from the perspective of the Outlook client.
First of all, using an Exchange email account is very necessary I think, it could sync your mailbox items(such as emails, calendars contacts...) with your mail server whenever you logged in to your email account on the Outlook client. And Exchange email accounts could be configured via Autodiscover which could help make autoconfiguration more easier.
Then, according to my research, ZeroConfigExchange (ZCE) might be of great help. It can be used to create new Outlook profiles for users with minimal user interaction. ZCE is a registry setting that tells Outlook to create a new profile using the SMTP address from Active Directory and to then leverage Autodiscover.
For more specific information, you could check these articles I found:
ZeroConfigExchange - Automating the Creation of an Outlook Profile for Exchange Accounts
Automate outlook profile creation
(Please Note: Since the web site is not hosted by Microsoft, the link may change without notice. Microsoft does not guarantee the accuracy of this information.)
Besides, from my point of view, creating and using a virtual machine may be more suitable for your requirements, you can get your all your items in the virtual machine from what ever computer, and all you need to do is just connect to it.
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